Before my conviction:
I used to live a very lazy and aimless life. Whenever I stay home I would either sit in front of the computer or PS2 to play video games. From Monday to Friday, I seldom got to bed before 2am. My only so-called ‘healthy’ activities would be playing basketball or hiking. In the weekend, I would hang around with friends window shopping for trendy apparels, shoes and new PS games.
My talk was in filthy language, often mixing slangs and blasphemy. Whenever staying with the gang of friends, we would gossip and slander about others, spending time aimlessly in vain babblings. Even when I was in school during class time, I would fall asleep; mostly not concentrating on what the teachers taught. Many a time, I would eat and talk or even play silly games with classmates in the classroom, without paying much attention, not to say respect, to the teachers.
Now when I reflect back to the past, I really feel that my behaviors were very improper.
How I come to conviction:
As a result, my leaving school examinations report turned out to be very poor. Therefore, I decided to come to study in Australia. I wanted to try my best this time so that I could get through my university education. On that year, I started my university and visa applications in June, and by September, I already arrived Gold Coast, Queensland. The transformation of environment seemed so sudden, almost as if in a twinkle of time!
When I took notice to my cousin B, her life seemed very busy. For 4-5 days in a week she would not be at home much. I learned from my aunt knowing that she was going to “tea gatherings” (the word “bible-study” did sound the same as ‘tea’ in Chinese). I knew already at that time she was a Christian. And I often heard about how she preached the gospel to my uncle and aunt. I felt very annoy and bordered by her.
However, she started asking me to go with her to the Youth Group every week. Whenever she went with her brother, I would not be moved, but to stay home to play my games. I still remembered one night she had a bible study at home while I was playing games. I felt that they were making a great deal of noise, and it became very disturbing to my games.
One Saturday morning, I went with B to play tennis. That was the first time I met with a bunch of Christians: J, K, E and S; I have a special impression on J. I thought that he was very nice, even though all of them were nice to me, too. Later I met Alan the elder, also; and from then on every time he would ask me to go to the Youth Group. The first time, I said, sorry, I was busy. The second time, I ran out of excuse, so I said yes.
At that time, we still met in Auntie J’s house. I felt very boring, being there the first time, and said to myself, I shouldn’t have promised to come! However, I don’t know how God’s power attracted me, even I knew for sure it was going to be boring, I still went the second time. So it turned out to be boring again, and I told myself again, I would not go next time. But on the third week, inside my heart that came a turn and I went again. After that, even though I knew in my heart it was going to be boring, I still felt I should go.
One Thursday, I heard that there was a bible study in Uncle T’s house, I was interested to go and take a look. When I was suddenly asked ifI had sinned, I was startled and afraid. And in my mentality at that time, I thought of such question very ridiculous. When it was brought up that every person was a sinner, I really thought that such thinking was fanatical. And even at that very first time, I was asked if I was convicted to turn to and believe in Jesus Christ. The second time and the third time I went there I was asked the same question again and again. I was really afraid, so I stopped going there for a couple weeks. However, after a while, I wanted to go back again, even though I couldn’t comprehend why.
During that period of time, I watched a great deal of Christian testimony VCD’s. Amazingly, my heart was actually moved by some of those testimonies. It was very strange that at that period of time, I watched one VCD after another, as if I was searching for the truth and the existence of God. This continued on until one time, I watched a VCD called “Left Behind”. The vivid images and consequence of Jesus Christ’s second return on earth made me contemplate on my own situation and eventually really made me scared. If it were the truth I would then surely be a dead man! That very night, as if God truly spoke to me; in my dream, I went back to what had happened in the past when I ganged up with friends and did all those ‘sinful things’. Then, I was ‘really left behind’! But I heard God talking to me, saying, “I give you another chance, now grab the opportunity and rely on Jesus Christ.”
So, the next day, I told my cousin B that I wanted to make the decision to believe in Jesus. I really thanked God, that He sent Jesus Christ to save me from sin, and gave me the great blessing of eternal life.
After my conviction:
On the day I made the decision to turn to Jesus, as soon as I finished the prayer I instantaneously have the great peace as well as a joyful heart. I really thank God for that.
After I have believed in the Lord, I become a very joyful person. Whenever I encounter any difficulty, I know that I could rely on God and lay all burdens in His hand by telling Him everything in prayers. I now want very much to share this great gospel to my uncle, my parent, my sister and all my relatives and friends; so that they also can feel my joy.
As about my walk and my talk, I seldom speak in coarse language any more. However at times, I may become too angry to control myself; but I learn that I could always come to the Lord to seek forgiveness. I can ask the Lord to help me get rid of all my bad habits. In all these, I know I could not rely on my own strength; I must rely on God’s power to change me. Therefore, I need to come close to God always. As about playing video games, I could say that I don’t addict to games any more. Also, my motivation of chasing after the worldly materialistic things has changed, too.
I know that it is God who changes me. All I can say is “thank you, Lord.” Knowing God is the greatest blessing in my life. Now, I can be certain that this time I have made a right move.
— C. H. Lam ( written 20th October, 2006 )